Welcome to The Chi Life

BY: RACHELLE WINTZEN

Dedicated to the women who do it all while being their own cheerleader through the highs and lows. 

photo: Stacey Naglie

These are the unconventional writings of me, Rachelle Wintzen. I have worn a hypothetical mask most of my life, where I have mastered hiding how I really feel. I had a go getter attitude that no matter what I am dealing with behind the scenes ‘the show must go on’. But that is enough of that! I have taken the mask off and exposing my unfiltered self. These are my very personal stories of resilience, managing dis-ease, chronic stress, addiction, being a high achieving woman, small business owner, living in a tiny cabin off grid and a single female in my late 30s. 

I sat for a long time about whether or not to open up and share the granular details of my mental and physical health challenges. It felt very out of my comfort zone and slightly terrifying to put a spotlight on the truths of what you see on the outside looking in. However, the inspiration to open up came after a few conversations offline that made me realize just how many women are struggling and suffering in silence with many of the same challenges I am going through. This year I got to a place of debilitating burn out, depression and ended up with a body that forced quit on me. All of which resulted in several diagnoses, a body I didn’t recognize and hitting a major rock bottom for the second time in my life. Ultimately driving me far away from the overwhelming city life I led and going deep into the woods to live in a 160ft off grid tiny cabin.

In continuing with honesty, this journey of healing has been very lonely, navigating one diagnosis after another and managing the many emotions and gravity of it all. While it has felt like living on a deserted island it is clear that I/we are not alone. This blog is my first attempt in uniting us and creating community around the many health issues mentally and physically that so many of us deal with. 

I also want to break the invisible wall that many high achieving/high functioning women put up in order to hide the reality of our lives or what it actually took to achieve the goals and wins. We suppress and bury so much in a strenuous effort to push forward and keep going. In those quiet in between moments, sometimes that which we suppress creeps up and most often at times when we least expect it, cue sobbing on your yoga mat. Those moments in between, where we let out a brief cry of overwhelm before burying it all back down and putting on our game on face, (cause let’s face it when the to do list and the responsibilities are that long who has time to feel and process emotion.) I didn’t until it all came exploding out through me in the form of one health issue after the next, like a domino effect taking me down, hard and turning my world upside down.

Why do we keep going, ignoring the signs to slow down while continuing to accelerate until our physical body comes to a crashing halt.  Why is this the norm?  Why are so many of us pushing far beyond what is healthy? Why do we more often than not forget how to say NO and do things for the sake of pleasing people. We quiet ourselves from speaking our truth, fail to put up proper boundaries and feel offended or confused when we meet people who do put up boundaries. Almost like...how dare you exercise self care while deep down secretly wishing we did too. Why do we constantly undervalue ourselves, is it because we are afraid of unsettling relations with someone by asking for what we really deserve and instead accept what they are offering? 

My mission through my writing is to share my experiences candidly in the hopes it sparks conversations and breaks our silent suffering. My hope is that we come together in support of each other through these shared experiences and choose to live our lives by the map of our deepest dreams and desires and nothing else, what I call living The Chi Life.